i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
