If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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