I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
