I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
