So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
