I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
