that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
