Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
