STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
