we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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