Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
