If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
