dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
