i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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