I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
