At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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