Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
no, he came in my armpit
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
