Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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