It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize