i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I am morally bankrupt
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize