his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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