Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
