I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
