i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
