I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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