she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
