so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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