Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
