So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
