I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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