Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Plan B is the new Plan A
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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