You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
