Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
