he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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