They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
