this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize