Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So vagazzling was a success
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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