I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
