We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
