Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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