What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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