One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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