I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
