I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
