theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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