Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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