I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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