I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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