I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
