batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize