why didn't you poke me back
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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