so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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