i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
