Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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