I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
