I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
