She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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