Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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