Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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