please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
