We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
