True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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