I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
