i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
