I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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