Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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