Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize