He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
