I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
